Spiritual Zen » In The Moment

Resentment, the Spiritual Time Killer and How to Avoid it

Jared — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 00:43:41 +0000

Time is precious. I don’t know about you, but I have squandered a lot of it away in the past due to unjustified anger and resentment.

Resentment: a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will at something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.

When I’m in resentment, I’m not in the moment. Anytime I’m not in this moment, I’m missing out on… well, life.

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while.
-From Chapter 5, Pg. 66 of Alcoholics Anonymous

Think about how resentments occupy your time. They’re like a cancer eating away at moments which could be filled with joy. The next time you’re awake at 2:00 a.m. because you felt you’ve been wronged by someone, try driving by their house and see if their lights are on. Now, who is it really hurting? Resentment truly is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

OK, so we know resentment is bad, how do we stop it?

Practice.

In How to Remember Today Years From Now, I shared an experience of how I was able to turn the beginning of a resentment into something amazingly spiritual and positive. By using practical prayer(practice), I am able to train my mind to be more altruistic then it naturally wants to be. Altruism is at the center of resentment reduction. It is natural to have our first thoughts be selfish and ask “what’s in it for me?” But here’s the real kicker, I finally figured out that a life based on self-centeredness is extremely unfulfilling. Healthy, loving relationships are what bring the most joy and fulfillment to our lives.

Regardless of the cause or reason, justified or not, resentment and anger rob us of our valuable time. I’m sure some people will say, “but sometimes anger is good, like if it motivates us to take action!” I disagree.

99% of the time, anger is based in fear, and decisions based in fear seldom promote spiritual or emotional growth. Now I’m not talking about the decision to move off the train tracks for fear of an oncoming train, that’s obvious. But think about fear for a minute… OK, minutes up. Fear is almost always caused by the feeling that we’re about to lose something we think we need/or have, or not getting something we think we want. If we have everything we need or want, we have nothing to fear right? Everything we need is inside us and can be obtained through spiritual growth.

In order to determine why we resent something, one of the first places to look is our motives. If we’re living a life based on self-propulsion and self-centeredness, anything that does not benefit us directly is bound to cause resentment.

Let’s say someone asks us to help them move this coming Saturday morning. Our immediate thought, (or at least mine) is something like, “great, I was planning on sleeping in and catching up on a good book, now I’ve got to help this guy out, what a drag… hmmm, although, maybe I should since I may need help someday.” Odds are, if our thinking stays along these lines and we do end up helping this guy move, we’re going to resent him for it later.

Now, here’s the key. If I’m doing something with the expectation of getting something in return, and can “check” that feeling and determine that if I don’t get that something in return I’m going to resent it, I shouldn’t do it. I’m simply doing it for the wrong reason.

I know what you’re thinking, if you’re like me and using this as a guide, I would never be doing anything for anyone! Well, we have to start somewhere. The first step is noticing this seed of resentment as it creeps into our conscience. Once we learn how to recognize it, we can begin working on it. It may be as simple as telling ourselves we’re doing something to be helpful, and we do not expect anything in return.

In my experience, the most effective way of working towards a more altruistic nature, is prayer and action. Asking God for a more giving heart and taking action when given the opportunity to help someone out. Conversely, a good way to avoid resentments is not committing to things you do not want to do. Yes, it’s that easy. You have the right to say no!

So the next time someone asks you for help and you feel that resistance creep up in your conscience, that’s a resentment seed sprouting. Don’t water it!

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Staying in the moment

Jared — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 02:56:51 +0000

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

“The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.”
-Buddha

Today, I am a spiritual warrior, fending off anything that threatens my spiritual fitness. My enemies are anxiety, depression, regret, resentment, and fear. Although some of these can be helpful at times—like the fear of cutting off my finger while using a skill saw—mostly they threaten my spiritual zen. When I’m anywhere but in the moment, I’m of no use to myself or others. I have discovered some actions that help me stay in the moment.

STOP AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
I’m a recovering alcoholic. Early in my recovery, I knew nothing about “living in the now.” Quite contrary, most of my efforts were spent avoiding it. I was not equipped with the tools of learning to live for today. I dreaded the future and the wreckage of my past. I learned during that time to stop, look around, and reaffirm to myself that right then, in that moment, everything was OK. I still practice this today. I mean really take it all in, looking at where I am physically and who is around me, that I am safe, alive, and have basic things like food and shelter. This process helps me get back in gratitude where I am closer to the now then the depression of the past or anxiety of the future.

Writing a gratitude list is one way I use to count my blessings. Stopping to write down on a piece of paper things that I am grateful for is a great way of getting back into the moment.

WORKING A SPIRITUAL PROGRAM
My spiritual program originated from the 12 Steps of Alcoholic Anonymous. Today my program consists mainly of three things, trust God, clean house, and help others. There are many different parts to each of these, but my goal each day is to strive towards actions that involve these three things.

Staying spiritually connected is difficult at times, one thing I do is look for signs of guidance. For instance, paper-clips are God’s way of saying to me, “hey, I’m thinking of you and you’re right where you’re suppose to be.” It may sound silly, but it works. You’d be surprised at how many paper clips you can find in all sorts of places. Whenever I see a paper clip laying on the ground, I pick it up, thank God for reminding me of his presence, and place it in my pocket. They always seem to show up at the right time. When I get home I place them in a jar. Right there, sitting on a shelf in front of our kitchen window, is a reminder that I am loved and watched over.

BEING OF SERVICE
Picking up the phone and calling a friend and asking them if there’s anything they need is a good way of getting into the moment. I spend a lot of time with others in recovery, whether just listening or sharing my story. Everyone has something to give, have you struggled with something and found a solution? Try sharing it with someone else.

MEDITATION
I meditate in many different ways, but one type I can do anywhere is breathing. When feeling anxious or spiritually unfit, I like to stop and really concentrate on my breathing. Breathing in God and out self works wonders for me. Also visualizing things which I want in my life. Similar to the secret law of attraction which then must be followed by action towards those goals.

READING
I love to read. I’ve found Emmet Fox’s The Sermon on the Mount is a great book for learning how to live life. Some of my other favorites are The Five People You Meet in Heaven, and The Greatest Miracle in the World.

Staying in the moment is easier said then done, but with practice, it does get easier. What techniques do you use to stay in the moment?

She Said Yes

Jared — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 14:53:52 +0000

A few weeks ago I purchased an engagement ring for my girlfriend Emily. The weekend prior I asked her father for permission to propose to his daughter. His response was “welcome to the family!” My plan had been to propose while in Kauai on November 30th while looking out over an amazing sunset or sunrise. I had the whole thing planned, I’d record my voice over the top of “our song” and play it for her through my mp3 player. Emily’s father said something to me when I shared this with him, “why wait to share good news? When you have something good to share, why wait?” I told myself, “because I want it to be perfect!” And so I would wait, an entire month before asking the women I loved to spend the rest of her life with me.

Skip ahead two weeks, it’s Saturday afternoon and I’m going for my daily run. I was listening to a Darius Rucker song “Learn To Live:”

you gotta live to learn
you gotta crash and burn
you gotta make some stances
and take some chances
you gotta live and love
and take all life has to give
you gotta live and learn
so you can learn to live

While listening and running, I was overcome with such joy and gratitude, I starting raising my arms and waving to every vehicle that passed by. Some waved back with smiles on their faces, others thought I was crazy. I actually broke down in tears and I realized we only live once, and I had something great I wanted to share and couldn’t wait any longer. So I went inside, put the headphones on my girlfriend, let her listen to how much she meant to me, and asked her to marry me. She said yes!

Spiritual Zen » In The Moment

Resentment, the Spiritual Time Killer and How to Avoid it

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Staying in the moment

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She Said Yes

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