Have you told the people in your life how much they mean to you recently? We all know this is important, but do we really take the time to connect with them on an emotional level and tell them how much they mean to us? Some family members may be uncomfortable with heartfelt discussions, but when they’re gone, baby they’re gone.

Shortly after I was born, my father built us a home with his own hands just outside the city where he worked construction. However, deep inside he’d always dreamed of owning and running a farm. I think he liked the idea of working for himself and the freedom it brings. Of his generation, the greatest compliment was “he’s a hard worker,” and that was/is my dad; a hard worker. I think he realized if he worked as hard for himself as he did for “the man,” he was sure to succeed.

Shortly after my fifth birthday, we packed up everything and moved to a farm house ten miles outside a small town in East Central Kansas; the four of us and 80 acres. What I remember most about the house; bitter cold. Winter would often find my older sister and me sleeping in the dining room around the wood burning stove. My mother would heat bricks on the stove, wrap them in towels, and put them in the bottom of our sleeping bags. She was so thrifty; still is.

I have memories of my fathers rear-end in the air with his head submerged under the floor thawing pipes with a blow torch. To this day the smell of a blow torch on copper takes me back to those times… more of the cold house than of my father’s ass. Vice-Grips made nice handles for the bathtub faucet. And when the pipes were frozen, steaming water was brought from the stove-top for our bath. My father fixed the house as much as he could, but time was limited as he continued working a full-time construction job 60 miles away (at minimum) and farmed nights and weekends. Our farm had cattle, chickens, a few pigs, and always a sea of swaying wheat or soybeans just outside our kitchen window.

I realize now what it must have felt like for my father; looking out the kitchen window every day to see his dream right there in front of him. Honestly, I doubt he took the time to enjoy it. I hope he did. We might not have had everything we wanted, but we always had everything we needed. I can’t really remember wanting much. I think there was a correlation between the big dreams of my father and my imagination of all things possible growing up on a farm. One day I was John Wayne riding my sorrel gelding Dollar (Shetland pony) across the range; the next day I was Larry Bird making the winning shot against Magic Johnson (my sister) in Boston Gardens (hay loft). There is never a shortage of things to do growing up on a farm.

Our Farm Auction 1984

Farming was difficult during those times, it was the era of small farmers losing everything; you either had to go big or go home. After years of blood and sweat, the day came when my father decided it was best to sell the farm and move into town when I was 14. It was odd watching all our stuff going to the lowest highest bidder. I heard my father say once that selling our new house and moving to that farm was the biggest mistake he ever made. I disagree; and I had a chance to tell him that a few years ago. I’m glad I did, and I think I’ll remind him next time I see him.

It’s a testament to my parents’ love towards my sister and I that made us feel safe and warm; always. Oddly, not until a few years ago when my sister and I were talking about our childhood, did we realize how cold and run down that old farm house was. We laugh now about the cold winters and vice-grip handles. Home really is where the heart is.

When I was around 12 years old I wanted to get a job, my father’s advice; “son, you’re going to be working for the rest of your life, enjoy not having to work as long as you can.” He was right; he recently retired.

Dad if you’re reading this, I hope you take the time to look around and realize anything is possible; that you followed a dream and worked hard and provided well. Today is a gift dad and I love you. Now take a break, you deserve it.

Dad and me running on the beach, Florida 1980

We may not always have the opportunity to tell the ones we love how much they mean to us; it’s important to let them know as often as you can. I’ve had the privilege over the years of learning my fathers love language, and for that I am grateful.

As you share your feelings with those you love, try and be specific. I think this is important. It’s not the definition of a word that gives it meaning, but the heart. Be sincere, specific, and make it count! You never know, it could be the last time you see them.

I’ll close with a song I wrote a few years ago. And as always, comments (below) are welcome!

The Present
Music and Lyrics By: Jared Akers 11/2007

I heard a song the other day
And thoughts of you drift my way
Of times we shared and things you said
And all the things that we never did

We could always pass the time
Talking about the way things used to be
Sometimes we just sat and cried
And let the tragic past float by on the breeze

[CHORUS]
Life Happens when you’re waiting for a change
Sittin’ in the past, searching for blame
Life happens when you don’t know what to say
Did you catch that game, so do you think it’ll rain?
So be careful how you spend it
Today is a Gift, thank God for the present

We talked about mistakes we made
Ones betrayed and dreams that fade
You told me of the one’s you missed
And how we got to a place like this

We could always pass the time
Talking about the way things used to be
Sometimes we just sat and cried
And let the tragic past float by on the breeze

[CHORUS]

I’m not sure how hard I tried
To be with you in the end
So I wrote this song to say goodbye
I won’t make that mistake again

[CHORUS]

photo credit: h.koppdelaney

Other Articles That May Interest You

• Matching Calamity with Serenity: Spiritual Training and Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos
• The Power of Spiritual Love and 22 Ways It Will Change Your Life
• Racism and Spiritual Growth
• Learning my fathers love language
• What Is Love to You?

I came across a post recently (8 Unconventional Ways to De-stress and Release Tension) at Zen Habits by guest poster Jai Kai of SharingSuccess.tv. He lists some actions for de-stressing like finger painting, stripping down your living room, or dancing in the rain; which I think are brilliant, especially since I am a big fan of action! However, for me, I need more than just a temporary distraction to really de-stress.

So here are my 9 ways of de-stressing:

1. God Box
Find a nice wooden box, old penny bank, or anything you can drop notes into. When something is weighing on you mind, write it down and drop it in the box and let it go! The most amazing thing will happen; months or years later you can go back and review the notes and realize how amazingly well everything turned out.

When your head starts to worry,
And your mind just can’t rest,
Put your thoughts down on paper,
And let God do the rest…

If you don’t have a box, don’t worry, just write it down. I do this a lot at night when I’m having trouble getting to sleep due to a racing mind. I get up (action) and go right it down on paper; not necessarily a solution, just what I’m worrying about. Then I know it’s there and I can let it go.

2. Prayer
Prayer is asking for guidance.

3. Meditate
Meditation is listening for the answer.

4. Initiate a Perspective Adjustment
Things happen around me, not to me. I have to remind myself to stop making everything about me!

It seems the only time I get really stressed is while driving. That has increased over the past few years as my commute time has increased. I heard a friend say once, “If I’m getting upset while driving, I’m driving selfishly.” I like that.

Last week I announced to a group of like-minded individuals that the next time I feel like flipping someone the bird in traffic, I’m pulling off the road and forcing myself to just sit and watch traffic for 10 minutes. I’ll let you know how that goes.

5. Running
Running outside with nature is always a spiritual experience for me. Some of my prized moments of inspiration have come while running, like the day I decided to propose to my wife.

6. Playing/Writing Music
Whenever I feel really stressed, trying to express myself through playing and writing lyrics always helps.

7. Call Someone
This is one of the hardest ones to do (for me) yet the most effective. There’s always someone to call who may need to know someone cares about them.

8. Hold A Child
See #4

9. Random Acts of Kindness
This idea again goes along with #4. No matter how bad or stressed I think my life is, there’s always someone that has it worse off then me. If you find yourself stressed, sit down and come up with something nice you can do for someone else. Maybe shovel the snow off their sidewalk or send them the perfect card letting them know how much they mean to you. To reap the full benefit, do it anonymously.

The simple cure for stress and tension is gratitude. However you find it, just find something to be grateful for.

It is truly amazing how God and the universe works. When I woke up this morning and started thinking about this post about stress, I was full of excitement. My wife and I are in the process of trying to sell our house, which is ready and looking good to show! We met with a builder the first of this week to go over plans for a house we want to build; small but new and our own little dream home. We had gotten pre-approved and were scheduled to meet the builder again tomorrow to submit part of the deposit so we could get the process officially started. I found out on my way home from work that there’s a problem with “the process.” We’ve went over the numbers dozens of time to make sure we would be OK and living within our means. Our calculations show we would be fine and have some room to spare; we just wouldn’t get to travel every six months like we have been. But now it look as if we aren’t going to be building our little dream home after all. At least not now.

At first I was a little disappointed, but I realize it’s all going to work out the way its supposed to. If any of you are familiar with Lisis over at Quest For Balance, she’s been a real inspiration in taking some risks and living life to the fullest. Especially in her adventure of selling their home and setting out on their quest of an authentic life: Adventure: Taking a Giant Leap of Faith.

In all honesty, I know our dream home is wherever we are. We’re blessed beyond belief and I know in my heart we’re exactly where we’re supposed to be. Maybe we’re suppose to keep traveling….

Although as I type this my wife is over punching on the 10 key, so we’ll see what happens tomorrow. ;-)

photo credit: joiseyshowaa

Other Articles That May Interest You

• Staying in the moment
• Matching Calamity with Serenity: Spiritual Training and Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos
• Mindfulness and the Benefits of Meditation
• Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!
• Live and Let Live: 9 Ways of Letting Go

Recently I was involved in a discussion on the topic of Live and Let Live. The term live and let live can be viewed in several ways, but basically it means letting go and stop trying to control others. Let them live their lives just as you want to live yours. Guess it’s sort of back to the golden rule.

I think the Free Dictionary sums it up nicely, “to accept other people as they are, although they may have a different way of life”

The first thing that comes to my mind when I hear someone say “live and let live” is the song “Live and Let Die” by Gun’s and Rose’s. I know it was originally performed by Paul McCartney and Wings for the James Bond film, but that’s where my head goes. But the next place it goes is the Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”

For me, this prayer and mindset can be used in almost any situation. So my list of 9 ways could simply be, say this prayer 9 times. But that’s too easy, so here’s a list of ways you can practice live and let live:

1. Say the Serenity Prayer (you knew that one was coming!)
   To try and dissect this passage into its most important parts is difficult if not impossible. You cannot seem to have one without the other and they all seem so important. Using this prayer as an action in the middle of traffic or stressful situations, reminds me to concentrate only on things I can control.
2. Ask Yourself: How Important is it Really?
   Tell yourself, “I’d rather be happy then right.” Or if that’s not the case, try being right all the time and see how far that get’s you towards true happiness. The feeling that we have to be right, is a way of separating ourselves from others. Feeding our fear of inferiority and propping ourselves up as better than everyone else. Either way, you’re separating yourself from others.
3. Be Understanding Rather Than Understood
   Step outside yourself and try putting yourself in the other persons shoes. Try viewing the situation from their perspective.
4. Realize That Most Things Happen Around You, Not TO You
   If the thing you can’t let go of began as an action someone did to you (or at least your perception of it was), ask yourself if you’ve ever done the same thing to someone else. More than likely you have. Take a step back and remember the world does not revolve around you. It’s pretty arrogant to think the entire world is conspiring against us.
5. Prayer and Meditation
   Prayer is asking for guidance, from whatever higher being you choose. Meditation is listening for the answer. When I’m having trouble letting go of something, I will pray about it for days, weeks, or even months. Eventually the answer just intuitively comes to me.
6. Stop Being A Victim
   A victim is a spectator in their own life. Let go of things that continue to take up rent free space in your heart and mind.
7. Make A Decision
   Many times we forget we have choices in life. A few days ago I was asked to do something I wasn’t quite comfortable with. Initially I agreed, but then realized I had a choice. I can choose to let go of my need to please everyone and stay true to my values. The goal is to have the right decision be the first and only one that comes to my mind. Progress not perfection. I may not be responsible for my first thought, but I am responsible for my actions. We are judged by our actions, not our thoughts or intentions.
8. Stop Holding On
   Many times we have an emotional investment in the outcome of a situation; this causes us to hold tight to something we may not have the power to change. Identify the attached emotion to let go of it. If you stop holding on, gravity will take care of the rest.
9. Lend a Helping Hand or a Solution
   Sometimes we do have the solution. Better yet, sometimes others trust us enough to want our solution to their problem. Providing a solution or suggestion is one thing, but avoid doing it for them. Enabling someone, or robbing them of the opportunity to grow through action, tends to keep us emotionally attached to the outcome; making it difficult to detach later if we need to for ourselves.

Letting go is easy when we have no emotional investment in the outcome. I was listening to a Wayne Dyer CD a friend gave me several years ago and he listed three things that lead to total enlightenment. I’m paraphrasing because I haven’t been able to find the resource since, but one of the three things had to do with emotional attachment. That part of reaching enlightenment was having no emotional investment in the outcome of situations or relationships with others.

Detaching ourselves emotionally from the outcome of situations is easier said than done. It does not mean we don’t care, we’re just taking responsibility of what we do have control over while allowing others to do the same. Live and let live.

Photo credit: justmakeit

Other Articles That May Interest You

• Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!
• Spiritual Lane Change: 9 Ways to De-stress
• Laughter is Spiritual Crack
• It Ain’t Easy Being Me: Avoiding Self-Destruction
• Do Something: Finding Spiritual Growth in Daily Actions

Last night my wife and I met up with some friends for a great dinner and conversation. I love those times when you laugh so much your face hurts! It was the first time I’ve had a great steak in quite a while also. I mention the steak because my wife and I have been working hard on getting in shape for our upcoming trip to Cozumel in late November. We love SCUBA diving so we’re hoping that by getting in shape, we’ll not only look better, but won’t be so wiped out after a long day of diving. Oh, and I used to eat a lot of Ribeye’s with tons of fat on them…

Here’s my shameless plug (no affiliate links), but it’s really working! My wife and I are following the fitness tips found in the Vacation Body Blueprint, which is a free eBook you can get that outlines a basic routine for reducing body fat. We joined the gym on October 2nd and have been going 5 days a week since. It was slow going at first, but on October 13th I downloaded the eBook. At that point I weighed 183 lbs and was at about 24% body fat. As of this morning, I weigh 177 lbs and 20% body fat. I use a scale and a digital caliper to calculate body fat but I’m still not sure how accurate it is. But I can tell you, my pants are fitting better! The biggest key to loosing body fat, diet. Period. You need, on average, a calorie deficiency. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “you can’t out exercise a bad diet.” If interested in my workout, I can post that in another post (let me know of you guys are interested in my workout and diet), or you can follow the link and get the Vacation Body Blueprint.

OK, back to laughter…

Rule #62: Never take yourself too seriously

I love laughter so much. It really is like spiritual crack for the soul. Early in my recovery from alcoholism, I spent as many hours as possible with fellow addicts and alcoholics also trying to get well. We laughed a lot! Most importantly, I learned how to laugh at myself. Like how I used to drink 1/2 a large bottle of citrus flavored Listerine a night while living in a sober house. Yes, Listerine. I mean what do you expect, I was an alcoholic living in a house which didn’t allow alcohol… citrus flavored Listerine at 21.6% alcohol is the next obvious choice right? I often joke that it gave me horrific heart burn, but my breath sure smelled great! Later on in treatment I discovered from the doctors I was lucky I didn’t go into kidney failure. I laugh about it now, and many of the other self-destructive things I’ve done to myself.

I was so desperate for relief from my haunting past, I would take notes of things that gave me temporary relief from my self-pity and remorseful thinking. I mean really simple things, like, “yesterday I went out to eat dinner with a bunch of friends, we laughed a lot and I felt much better.”  Next time I started feeling lonely and depressed, whether I felt like doing anything about it or not, I would get out my list and repeat one of the things I had written down.

Laughter is so powerful, that when laughing, nothing else in the world matters. I think I always knew this, but during times of heavy emotional stress, laughter can be extremely healing; if only for a temporary distraction. Sure, when you’re knee-deep in crap it can be hard to find something to laugh about, but try anyway. OH, and it helps to have friends that make you laugh. Too much laughing at yourself alone may be a little disturbing.

Two bananas are laying on their backs next to each other on a river bank enjoying a peaceful afternoon. Next thing you know, one of the bananas notices a log floating down the river. As the log get’s closer, the banana realizes there’s a turd sitting right there on top of the log as it floats by. He casually points it out to the other banana and says, “huh, you believe that shit?”

This is Hilarious! Whenever I want a good laugh I just cue this up!

Got a quick joke? Leave one in the comments!! (and try to be at least PG-13 please)

photo credit: ehpien

Other Articles That May Interest You

• The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness
• Spirituality for Non-Spiritual People: 6 Ways to Practice Spirituality
• Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!
• Spiritual Lane Change: 9 Ways to De-stress
• Live and Let Live: 9 Ways of Letting Go

Today I first want to encourage everyone to go check out Dena’s blog, Evolution. Dena asked me to write a guest post on my experience with addiction and alcoholism. More specifically, how I overcome addiction each and every day. So please check it out, Overcoming Addiction Through Spiritual Growth.

Now let’s talk a little about self-destruction.

When I was in an alcoholism treatment center, I always had my guitar with me. One of my favorite songs I would play is, It Ain’t Easy Being Me by Chris Knight. The music video is shot in the middle of a demolition derby and presents a interesting visual as to the theme of the song. Self-Destruction. Most of the patients and myself could relate. I still play the song today when I share my story at treatment centers, but as a reminder of how I used to be.

There ought to be a town somewhere
Named for how I feel
Yeah I could be the mayor down there
And say ‘welcome to sorryville’
It wouldn’t be on a map no where
You might say that it don’t exist
But if you make enough wrong turns
It’da be hard to miss

There ought to a bridge somewhere they could dedicate to me
I’d probably come to the ceremony with a can of gasoline
Walk on over to the other side
Where I’d light a match
Sit and stare through the smoke and flames and wonder how I’m gonna get back

Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark
I need your love but I break your heart
And I know the words that’ll bring you back but
But I don’t say nothing as I watch you pack
I had to work to become the jerk I’ve come to be
It ain’t easy being me

There oughta be a side show “act”
For freaks like me
I could be the star of the show with my name on the marquee
In a room with a big red button that says ‘danger do not touch’
Twice a day I’d mash it down and you can watch me self-destruct

Why do I do the things I do?
Was I born this way or am I self made fool?
I shoot the lights and I curse the dark
I need your love but I break your heart
And I know the words that will bring you back
But I don’t say nothing as I watch you pack
I had to work to become the jerk i’ve come to be
It ain’t easy being me
It ain’t easy being me

I lived a self-destructive life because I did not feel worthy of something better. But here’s the kicker, I did not know that! Not until I spent time getting to know and love myself, did I realize how unhealthy my relationship with myself was. I had to learn how to have a healthy relationship with myself; which in turn allowed me to have healthy relationship with others.

Sometimes we sabotage ourselves as a result of trying to avoid the one thing we fear the most. It’s sort of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. …actually, I guess that would be a self-fulfilling prophecy. Many people with abandonment issues find themselves in this situation—myself included. We’re so afraid that someone is going to leave us, we unknowingly place unreasonable demands on them in an effort to create the perfect relationship. Anytime we place the fate of our happiness on others, we’re bound to be disappointed. Inevitably, the person we’re placing demands on, fails at meeting our expectations and we drive them away. Thus, substantiating and feeding our belief that everyone leaves.

I always seemed hell-bent (whatever that means) on sabotaging myself. I would have the best of intentions, but my actions always fell short. I treated myself in ways I would never treat a good friend or loved one. And let me tell you from experience, if you don’t love yourself, it makes it really difficult to give and accept love in a lasting healthy manner.

I used to get confused…. thinking that what I was showing to the world on the outside, was how I felt about myself on the inside. Today, those feelings are more in-sync with each other—my insides match my outsides.

So the next time you start giving yourself a hard time, stop and give yourself a break. Ask yourself if you’d treat your best friend that way. Maybe if you start being kinder to you, you’ll want a better life for you and stop sabotaging yourself.

Now go say Hi to Dena at Evolution and read my guest post, Overcoming Addiction Through Spiritual Growth.

photo credit: a4gpa

Other Articles That May Interest You

• What Everybody Ought to Know About Action vs. Intention
• Self-Pity and Overcoming Low Self-Esteem
• How to Develop Good Communication Skills (accidently on purpose)
• The Power of Spiritual Love and 22 Ways It Will Change Your Life
• Dr. Wayne Dyer’s The Shift and the Realization That Everything You Need is Already Within You

Doing something does not always equate to accomplishing something. For years I scurried about getting all sorts of things done, but was no closer to inner-peace and happiness as a result. Today my actions take me towards something, towards spiritual growth which is where I find the truth about myself and lasting happiness.

When I was working as a server in a restaurant, I learned how to look busy. I discovered that if you carry a ketchup bottle around and look like you’re going somewhere, people will assume you’re busy and leave you alone. I was self-centered, or as I referred to myself, shy. Which is just a form of self-centeredness and making everything about me. When all I’m thinking about is how uncomfortable I am in a situation, I’m missing the opportunity to be of service to someone else. I’m making it about me.

“Slow down and remember this: Most things make no difference. Being busy is a form of laziness-lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.”
-Tim Ferriss’ 4-Hour Workweek

Many of you may have heard me talk about my $10 life where for years I would only put $10 worth of gas in my car at a time. I was too impatient to wait any longer. As I stood their watching the numbers clicking by, I would think about all the things I had to get done. Most often, none of them were for someone else—if that was the case, $5 was the limit—back when $5 would get you somewhere. While waiting I would think about what a great friend I was and that when I was finished with the laborious task ahead, I could get back to changing the world. It was always about me—always in a rush to manage my time, always looking for something I thought I was missing. Being alone with me was too uncomfortable.

What I was missing was love for self and self acceptance.

“Action to be effective must be directed to clearly conceived ends.”
-Jawaharlal Nehru

I believed my actions were directed towards achieving success, which in-turn would equate to happiness. But no matter what I achieved, there was always something else. Do you ever feel that way? I don’t know about you, but depending on forces outside myself to determine my success was an endless cycle. I would often think, “is this as good as it gets?” I thought I was happy—based on what others determined happiness looked like. I was not happy. At least compared to the happiness I have now, heck, it was not even in the same ballpark! To use a quote from Pulp-Fiction, “ain’t the same f$#&in’ ballpark, it ain’t the same league, it ain’t even the same f$#&in’ sport.”

Today when faced with a tough decision that requires action, I use a simple test: Will this action help me grow spiritually? This test can apply to any action which I’m not sure about taking. Even if the action seems selfish, it may be that I’m moving towards self-respect and love. For me, something as simple as taking the elevator vs. the stairs can be an action towards spiritual growth. Like when I find myself wanting to isolate and avoid people and can’t decide whether to take the stairs or risk having to talk to someone in the elevator. Is there any chance of spiritual growth by avoiding people? Not for me there isn’t.

Every action I take can be a clearly conceived act towards spiritual growth. And for me, living a life based on spiritual principles has been the only way I have found true and lasting inner-peace and happiness. OK, I know what you’re thinking… “every action? come on, that’s not realistic…” OK, maybe not the action of reaching for my coffee cup, but certainly every action which stirs inner conflict. Oh, and here’s the real important part!!!! If I don’t know which way to go, I ask someone! I ask someone whom I respect spiritually and will give me their unbiased opinion whether I want to hear it or not.

“The mark of a good action is that it appears inevitable in retrospect.”
-Robert Louis Stevenson

It has been my experience that actions I have taken based on spiritual growth and character building, in retrospect, seem to be the only possible choice.

If you find yourself “going through the motions” and busy busy busy, try taking some time out for yourself. Read a book, take a walk and listen to the sounds you hear around you. Put down the ketchup bottle and do something kind for yourself or someone else.

photo credit: Adam Kuban

Other Articles That May Interest You

• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 6, Action
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness
• He Knows Just How Much We Can Bear
• Matching Calamity with Serenity: Spiritual Training and Finding Peace in the Midst of Chaos
• Spirituality for Non-Spiritual People: 6 Ways to Practice Spirituality

Every personal development/self-help blog has one, the “100 ways to find/achieve (fill in the blank)” list post. Here’s mine on finding happiness:

Action x 100

I bet you thought you were getting a quick and easy list to read huh? Sorry.

No matter how many things I could come up with for my list, people would read it and then move on to something else. Reading doesn’t accomplish crappola unless you put it into action. A list is easy and usually generates more blog visitors than anything else, because people are lazy and like lists. I admit I like them too, but they rarely, if ever, have any real effect on my life. There’s nothing wrong with coming up with an extensive list of things which we think will make us happy, the problem is… it is still just a list. A list can even be a set of decisions, but unless actions are taken… well, nothing happens. A list and decisions are hypothetical, on paper or in our minds. Actions move through space and time and affect the universe around us.

Three frogs are sitting on a log. One decides to jump. How many are left? … Three, he only made a decision to jump yet took no action.

My suggestion is to make a short list and break it down into sub-lists of actionable ideas or processes. I have experienced many life changes and types of spiritual awakenings, none of which came about with intense meditation or intellectual masturbation alone. Sure some great ideas or areas of growth are revealed during these times of reflection, but unless I take action on them, they’re just that, ideas. Putting ideas into action affects the forces around me with whom I interact, thus altering my destiny.

Take for example Inner-Peace. Few will argue that happiness would certainly involve inner-peace. But how do we find it? We don’t, it finds us as a result of taking action such as those I presented in The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness.

I heard a story recently that illustrates this point. Let’s pretend I do not know how to swim and I’m driving down a coastal highway looking out at the ocean. I know that if I were to stop the car, get out, and jump into the ocean I would drown. However, unless I stop the car at some point, I’m never going to learn how to swim. Something has to change (stopping the car) for me to even have the possibility of learning how to swim. It’s like the saying, if nothing changes then nothing changes. No matter how much I think about stopping the car or learning how to swim, nothing will change as long as I keep driving.

Another great example is Derek Siver’s post that Ideas are just a multiplier of execution:

To me, ideas are worth nothing unless executed. They are just a multiplier. Execution is worth millions.

Explanation:

AWFUL IDEA = -1
WEAK IDEA = 1
SO-SO IDEA = 5
GOOD IDEA = 10
GREAT IDEA = 15
BRILLIANT IDEA = 20

NO EXECUTION = $1
WEAK EXECUTION = $1000
SO-SO EXECUTION = $10,000
GOOD EXECUTION = $100,000
GREAT EXECUTION = $1,000,000
BRILLIANT EXECUTION = $10,000,000

To make a business, you need to multiply the two.

The most brilliant idea, with no execution, is worth $20.

The most brilliant idea takes great execution to be worth $20,000,000.

Fortunately, great execution isn’t necessarily required to find happiness. Just do something.

My short list:

• Love Myself
  Actions: Treat Myself with respect by exercising, eating right, and getting enough sleep. Do something nice for someone else… anonymously!
• Want Less
  Actions: Prayer and meditation. Helping others when given the chance, as a result I find I have everything I need. Show gratitude for the things I have like washing my car, mowing my lawn and telling those close to me how much I appreciate them.

What’s on your short list?

photo credit: Storm Crypt

Other Articles That May Interest You

• The Secret Power of Gratitude and How to Get It
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness
• Creating a Happiness Plan
• Feelings about Yourself Should Come From Yourself
• Today Could Be Your Last Chance; Make it Count!

Two nights ago it happened. My wife and I had just finished dinner and I was watching TV when I was consumed with this overall feeling of dread. Doom and gloom from out of nowhere. I could not put my finger on the reason why, but I was overcome with this feeling of hopelessness and that something in the universe was not right. There was a disturbance in the force or as Obi-Wan put it “I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.” OK, that’s a little dramatic, but sometimes it can certainly feel that way when you’re normally brimming with gratitude.

So I laid back on the couch and just felt it. I considered grabbing a pen and paper and writing a gratitude list, knowing the action would help and then I could share how I “walk the walk.” But I didn’t, instead I used the power of now and then went through a mental list of all that I was grateful for such as my wife, granddaughter, parents, job, legs, food, home, etc. and that all my basic needs were met.

I know I talk about gratitude a lot, but it is important. Get used to it.

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”
-Melody Beattie

Chris Guillebeau of The Art of Nonconformity, listed three parts of gratitude in his Zen Habits guest post, “Three Truths to Help You Create a Life of Gratitude”

A life of gratitude is composed of three parts that combine to make a whole.

1. A sense of purpose in our lives

2. An appreciation for the lives of those around us

3. A willingness to take action to show the gratitude we feel

Finding A Sense of Purpose
Finding a sense of purpose in one’s life is no small task. For most of my life, I thought “the purpose” was to find happiness. This thinking simply brought on years of self-will and wrestling with most forces in life. Through the gift of desperation, I realized a life run on self-will alone puts me in conflict with the universe and everyone in it. Think about it, if we’re all trying to run our lives on self-will, getting the most out of life for ourselves, who’s looking out for each other?

It’s like when my wife and I go to Home Depot on the weekends. It’s really quite funny. We get all dressed up and looking nice just in case someone sees us. I mean really! Isn’t everyone else just going around doing the same thing—wondering how everyone sees them? (OK, maybe not…) The good thing is we’re able to laugh at ourselves about it.

Finding a sense of purpose can be as easy as doing what makes you happy. I found that living a life based on spiritual principles and helping others as much as I can makes me happy. That life is not a search for happiness but a by-product of right living. I used to think I had to change the world, you know, really make a difference! Today I look for my life purpose each and every day. My morning prayer is, “God, show me what you will have me do today and give me the strength and willingness to carry it out.” When I approach each day with this attitude, anything is possible!

Appreciate Those Around You
Appreciation is an action, look at those around you in everyday life and see what you can do to make their lives better. Here’s something to try. The next time you feel frustrated, angry, or upset because you feel someone just doesn’t understand, try being understanding rather than understood.

Bringing joy to those around you is a great way to show your appreciation for them. One of my favorite parts of the movie The Bucket List is when Carter poses the two questions which are asked of Egyptians entering heaven: “Have you found joy in your life?” and “Has your life brought joy to others?” Bring joy to others and you’ll find joy yourself.

Gratitude is an Action
I love it, just love it—anything to do with action! I use to think about getting flowers or a gift for someone, but never really took any action. I was too busy achieving happiness. People’s happiness comes from my actions, not my intentions. I refer to those days as my ten dollar days. I would never put more than ten dollars worth of gas in my car at a time. I had the money, just no patience—always in a hurry to someplace to do something for myself. It is simple—doing things for others shows them you appreciate them.

There are so many ways you can take action to show gratitude, such as how you treat yourself and your possessions. Are you grateful for your life and your body? Trying exercising. Are you grateful for your car? Try washing it. Are you grateful for your clothes? …OK, I didn’t really think “try washing them” would be that impactful so how about this… If you’re grateful for having more than enough clothes, give some of them away to a local shelter.

I try to hold fast to the truth that a full and thankful heart cannot entertain great conceits. When brimming with gratitude, one’s heartbeat must surely result in outgoing love, the finest emotion that we can ever know.”
-Bill Wilson

So as I lay there on the couch and think of all that I am grateful for, the feeling of dread lifts just a little. I got on my knees and said a simple prayer, “God, thank you for your Grace and Confidence” and went up stairs to share my feelings with my wife. (I share everything, it’s good practice for when I’m making unreasonable demands of myself) She kisses me and tells me she loves me—it lifts a little more.

From experience I know that emotions are just emotions, that they change, and that This Too Shall Pass. The next morning I rise and am grateful for another day as a flower is for the sun.

Closing Side Nugget: When writing about a topic I think up a ton of other things to write about. One that immediately comes to mind is the powerful realization that emotions do not last forever. I suppose it may feel that way for some. I remember when I was suffering from alcohol depression, and the constant feeling of doom I carried in my soul. I had no purpose for my life, no gratitude, and felt those feelings would last forever. I can relate to those who may feel such emotions for extended periods of time and how suicide can seem attractive. OK, I realize that is a bold statement, but there was a time in my life when suicide was a very real option. That is when I asked for help and was desperate enough to do whatever it took to get better. If you feel hopelessness and despair, please ask someone for help. It’s out there and there are people who truly do understand what you’re going through. I still get those feelings from time to time, so I have accumulated a set of tools that I pull out and use—like gratitude! And I tell myself, this too shall pass.

photo credit: furbychan

Other Articles That May Interest You

• 100 Secrets on Finding Happiness
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness
• 9 Ways to Get the Funk Outta Here!
• The Greatest Gift
• Staying in the moment

Welcome back to The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness. Last week we looked at step 5, Confession. This week we are looking at:

Step 6: Action

So far we’ve talked a lot. Although working on the inventory and sharing our secrets with someone else could be considered action, it’s now time to see how serious we really are about change.

Not once in my life have I gained true spiritual growth by simply thinking or intellectualizing about something.

We’re talking about action, like in 9 Ways to Get the Funk Outta’ Here, “You can’t think your way into good living, you must live your way into good thinking“

This is where the rubber hits the road.

“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.”
-Lao Tzu

When I started my current job, my life coach/spiritual advisor suggested that I go around each morning and introduce myself to three new people. I thought he was kidding. He wasn’t. I felt that would be out of character for me, after all, I’m shy. He said, “Jared, you’re making it all about you, it’s not about you. It’s about meeting new people and building relationships. Being shy is another way of being self-absorbed and self-centered.”

So I went around each morning for that first week and introduced myself to three different people. It felt good and I realized I can be a pretty friendly guy after all. I sure did feel better about myself .

In looking at how action is going to help us achieve inner peace and happiness, lets look at why we fall short of these goals in the first place. Well that’s not hard, take a look back at Step 4, our Self-Searching inventory. We have a list of actions and/or things which have caused us pain and which we are remorseful for.

If we’ve done the work to this point and had someone help us identify why we did such things, we are equipped with some real valuable information. Information that helps us understand why and what we have done to ourselves and others. We must now take action to correct any of these wrongs that we can, listening carefully to our conscience which will guide us in knowing which of these amends we should make. Again, it is beneficial to have someone experienced in this process. We do not want to cause any more harm to ourselves or others. More importantly, it is not our place to clear our own conscience at the expense of someone else.

So we go over our list and realize there are some things we can make right. We can offer up some apologies to those we may have stepped on or hurt. Most importantly, we can now realize the how and why of our actions, making our amends sincere and honest. We must remember to find empathy for ourselves as well. During this process, I realized I held deep resentments towards myself. This step gave me a start on living the right way, by putting right living into action and practice. Going through the actions of making amends and setting things right, was the beginning of aligning my intentions with my actions—something I have found to be necessary for inner peace and happiness.

This process of action is just the beginning of our new life. Cleaning up all the wreckage from our past may take years and there may be parts we can never make right. If that is the case, we work towards forgiving ourselves. Again, taking action by prayer and asking God for forgiveness. It will come if we ask. As we go about living the right way, our self-image and esteem heals and we find one day we have forgiven ourselves for those things we felt we could never make right. This is the way it has happened for me.

Action, Action, Action

I can read every self-help and personal development book ever written, then put them down and carry on with the way things were. All the while wondering why nothing has changed. If nothing changes, then nothing changes. Simple actions can bring about huge change. Something as simple as introducing yourself to three new people each day, can bring about spiritual growth and new knowledge about yourself.

Remember, “You can’t think your way into good living, you must live your way into good thinking” It’s all about action!

What action are you going to take today?

Up next, Step 7: Maintenance

Photo credit: vgm8383

Other Articles That May Interest You

• Do Something: Finding Spiritual Growth in Daily Actions
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 7, Maintenance
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: 7 Steps to Inner Peace and Happiness
• Surviving Terminal Uniqueness
• He Knows Just How Much We Can Bear

In the coming weeks I will explore the process of finding inner peace and happiness; as it has worked for me. I have broken the process down into seven steps:

1. Awareness
2. Acceptance
3. Identification
4. Self-Searching
5. Confession
6. Action
7. Maintenance

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
-Ghandi

I have found Ghandi’s view of happiness to be right on. Thus, I need to get three things in harmony; thought, words, and action. The result of such harmony is a healthy self-image based in reality.

It has been my experience that thought, words, and actions based upon love bring the greatest serenity and happiness into my life. Not only love for myself, but also love for all of God’s creatures. Personally, I did not wake up one day and love everything and everyone… how could I? I did not truly love myself—or so I discovered through this process. It has been a long journey and one that continues on a day-to-day basis.

When looking at these three areas, there appears to be a paradox. I have to do (action) and say (words) the right things in order to think (thought) healthy about myself and be happy. (i.e. I can’t think my way into good living, I must live my way into good thinking). It’s all about action. I cannot intellectualize and read about happiness and wake up one day happy. It just doesn’t work that way, a least not for me. Yet in order to do the right things (action), I have to think them first. That is why it is important to realize this journey is a process. It takes practice and gets easier over time. Eventually, the right thoughts are the first to come into our mind, followed by the right actions. The natural result being self-respect and a positive self-image based in reality.

I must point out why I use the phrase based in reality. For years, I confused my actions with intentions. Most of the time, I had the best of intentions but rarely followed up with the appropriate action. As a result, I had a skewed perception of how I was actually perceived by others. I am judged by my actions, not my intentions.

“The first step toward change is awareness. The second step is acceptance.”
-Nathaniel Branden

Step 1: Awareness

I’ve always liked the saying, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” For years I was unaware there existed a better way to live; a life based on spiritual principles that could bring true inner-peace and happiness. Character building, in terms of spiritual growth, was not something I sought for happiness but rather as a means to obtain something, a tool rather than a virtue.

At age twenty, I fulfilled a childhood dream by becoming a zookeeper. I was happy… for a few years. Then one day I woke up and simply wasn’t happy anymore. I developed the awareness at that point in my life that no matter what, I would never be satisfied. I felt it in my soul.

For the next sixteen years, I continued to search for satisfaction outside of myself. With each new job or relationship, I was fulfilled for a while, but eventually the dissatisfaction with my life would return. Although I was aware of this uneasy and restless feeling, I had no idea what to do about it. I was aware of the problem, but was unaware not only of the source, but that there was a solution.

Not until I was forced out of pain and desperation to ask for help, did I become aware of the real problem. I was trying to fill a spiritual hole with material things. Out of this awareness came the greatest discovery of all: I could not fix myself. Moreover, I did not have to.

The first step to inner-peace and happiness is awareness, the awareness that something needs to change. We’re talking about real change here; not geographical, professional, or material, but a significant change in our perception of the world and our place in it. Change of this magnitude must come from outside of ourselves. For me it was simply searching for someone that had what I wanted—true peace and serenity—and asking them to show me how they got there.

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
-Albert Einstein

What are some things in your life that you have become aware of that need to change?

Up next, Step 2: Acceptance.

Photo Credit: h.koppdelaney

Other Articles That May Interest You

• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 5, Confession
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 4, Self-Searching
• Spirituality for Non-Spiritual People: 6 Ways to Practice Spirituality
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 7, Maintenance
• The Spiritual Serenity Series: Step 2, Acceptance