The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
-Albert Einstein
Is there a payoff in everything we do? Whether we experience pain or pleasure, must we always get something in return? The payoff. As people react to our behaviors, we often find ourselves in a position to be hurt. Conversely, we also have the ability to place ourselves in situations that bring great joy.
This is not to say bad or good things do not just happen, but when the results seem to be tied to our behavior, maybe we need to stop and review what our payoff is.
If you find yourself in constant conflict with the world or those around you, stop to see what your payoff is; is it emotional pain or fear? Maybe the payoff (fear or pain) is validation for the feelings of insufficiency you have for yourself. I was stuck in this cycle for years in regards to intimate relationships. No matter how much I liked someone, the relationship would ultimately end; and I would once again be alone. The payoff was validation that I was incapable of being loved unconditionally for who I was. Once I learned to love myself unconditionally, things changed.
It has been my experience that seeking pleasure as the payoff in and of itself, is misguided. At most the pleasure is short lived and thus we spend the majority of our time and effort chasing pleasure.
The less we expect a payoff, the more free we become to experience pleasure in everything we do.
photo credit: lolika pop
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for this, it’s something most of us don’t want to admit is possible. “Do you mean there’s a part of me that gets something out of this suffering?” It’s absolute anathema to most of us to even consider such a thing. But it’s so true!
Your post gave me a little wake up call today when I read it. Whoah, he’s right, I do sometimes hang on to feeling victimized/left out/ignored because it makes me feel righteously angry (righteousness is a wonderful feeling, in a way!) and lets me off the hook about doing my part to maintain relationships and embody my life with power and strength.
Thanks for this little jolt of wisdom!
-Melissa
Melissa,
You nailed it, we sure do get a lot of mileage out of being the victim. I like to leave justified anger up to those more qualified. I’ve discovered through the years that justified or not, it’s just not worth it; not to mention my “thinker” is often a bit biased when it comes to determining what is and isn’t justified.
Absolutely we get something out of continued suffering. Justification or validation. I have a spiritual coach/adviser that tells me I have to set a limit on the time I need to mourn or feel sadness for something. Sure its different for everything and traumatic events can be hard to handle, but at some point, I turn a corner and choose to be in suffering. As the saying goes, “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”
Thanks for leaving a comment today!
Hi Jared,
One of the greatest lessons I have learned from my spiritual journey is that whatever the outcome is of any given situation it is in my best interest. It took me a long time to make peace with that because I used to get really upset if something did not work out as I wanted.
I then realized that sometimes the best blessing is not getting what you want. Having faith means trusting that whatever you are experiencing, you are going through it for a reason.
Nadia,
Funny, that’s been my experience also ;-) “the best blessing is not getting what you want.”