I came across a new blog the other day, Craig over at Inward Bloom. His post, Right now you don’t have any problems, reminded me of how important staying in the moment was early in my recovery. Hang on, let me rephrase that, to say the power of staying in the moment was important is an understatement, more precisely it was critical, crucial, possibly life saving. Even today the ability to bring myself back into the moment is a vital ingredient of my inner-peace, serenity, and spiritual growth. For in this moment, everything is OK, it’s the projections I spin out into the future or regrets of the past that compromise my serenity.
Once a month for the last three years, I have been blessed with the chance to return to the alcohol treatment center where I was a patient and share my experience, strength, and hope with the current patients. One of the things I share is the importance and power of staying in the moment. Let me tell you, it is one of the hardest things to learn how to do. I remember counselors telling me over and over, “you think too much Jared, you need to stay out of your head.” Well that’s great advice and all, but how the heck do I do that? One nugget of simple advice I remember which did help, and was something I could take action on was, “if you do go in your head, don’t stay long and take someone with you.”
So I learned that by having someone go with me as I went rummaging around in my guilt and fear, they could provide me with a way back out into reality, back into the now where everything is OK. So how do you take someone with you into your thoughts? Simple, you share what you’re feeling and thinking with someone else. Preferable someone who is not emotionally invested in the outcome of your situation, someone who can provide you with a different perspective or more precisely, reality. When I am so deeply attached emotionally to a thought or feeling, it often gets distorted from what it truly is. It feeds off itself, and unless I have someone there to pull me out, back into reality, I run the risk of getting stuck there.
When I entered treatment as a result of my last bottom, the only choice I had made up to that point was to live. As a result of that choice, and the difficulty I had in making it, I was prepared to do whatever it took to get well. Part of the difficulty in making the decision to live, was the guilt and remorse of my past and the fear of the future. If I was to survive, I had to find a way to keep my mind off the failure I had become and the insurmountable mountain of a life that lay before me. I’m not sure if someone in treatment suggested it, or I figure it out on my own (doubtful), but I begin to use a technique of staying in the moment to survive. The technique was reminding myself that everything was OK in this moment, it sounded something like this:
Stop right now in this moment, look around yourself, get a sense of your surroundings and where you are at physically. Who is there, what are they doing and what are you doing? Is the sky falling? Realize that in this instant, right now, you are surrounded by people who will help you if you ask and everything, in this moment, is OK.
“What was has nothing at all to do with what is.”
-Craig from Inward Bloom
For me to survive I had to keep it simple. I learned that when I was surrounded by caring, supportive people who understood what I was going through, I was happy. I laughed with them and we shared stories about ourselves that others would not understand or would possibly find funny. We learned how to laugh at ourselves and our tragedies; we learned how to help each other stay in the moment. I would remember that feeling of happiness; and when the darkness and despair would start to descend again, I would think back about when I had felt it before, and what I had done to feel better—then I would do that, that which made me feel better last time. And if there was no one around to help me, I would stop where I was, look around, and tell myself that in that moment, everything was OK. I was alive, I was breathing, I was not in any immediate danger, no creditors were calling and I was not hurting anyone else.
As I progressed in recovery, this process became a little more natural. Today I practice this technique often, not as a response to a feeling of despair, but to remind myself of what is really important in my life; the people and relationships around me. I especially use this technique to get connected spiritually. I stop, get centered in the moment, and ask God for guidance throughout my day.
It works, it really does.
Let me know what you think about the video! I think it may be a little distracting in the middle of the post like that…. feel free to share your opinion/suggestions in the comments section.
photo credit: G a r r y
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Hi, Jared! Wow, you read my mind! Seriously, like two minutes before reading this post I was talking to Jeff (hubby) about how I’m constantly fighting the urge to figure out the next step… to plan for stuff that hasn’t happened. “If we get a buyer or a renter in October, where will we move? Do we put stuff in storage, or take it with us? If a job opportunity comes up…?”, etc.
I told him that RIGHT NOW, at this moment, we don’t have to know any of those answers. For the month of September, at least, we are OK until some new variable comes up that we have to figure out what to do with. Let’s just take each moment as it comes.
Awesome post! And I really love the video because now I feel like I really DO know you… but I’m still coming to Paradise when you move there. Also, now I find it really hard to believe you have a granddaughter, ’cause you don’t even look old enough to have a kid! :)
Have a GREAT weekend!!!!
Lisis,
Nice example of putting this technique to work. This sort of goes along the lines of what to do with mail. I can either act upon it now, file it for later to act upon, or throw it away. As in your situation we can look at situations that come up in our life the same way. Is there something I can or need to do about it now? If not, then let it go and it will work itself out. I think we get caught up sometimes in the idea that if we’re not taking action we’re not being proactive or something… I guess it’s really a sense of control. When many times the best action may be to do nothing. I’ve come to rely on my intuition and seldom move on something important unless I feel (spiritually) that it’s the right move.
I know, isn’t it crazy that I’m a grandfather! It’s amazing really. I do not have any children, my wife’s son and his wife had a baby on April 24th! Speaking of knowing what to do… I had went through a period in my relationship with my wife before we got married, on whether or not I wanted children and was thinking about running away (long story and a lot of previous baggage). Basically I was using that as an excuse to avoid commitment. I knew God had put me in this situation and that whether or not I wanted children wasn’t the point, for the first time in my life, I knew I was with the person I was suppose to be with, that I loved her and she loved me unconditionally. I remember praying about it and feeling in my soul that if God intended for me to have children in my life somehow, it would happened. Then a few months after we got married, we found out we were going to be grandparents! It’s worked out better than I could ever have imagined. I realize now what a great responsibility children are, and although I think I would be a great dad, the prospect of having a child now is a little too much. I enjoy my life now and my wife and I love traveling and the dream of moving to a beach sometime in the future, which I realize now having a child would/might change that. Long story short, when I get out of the way and live day-to-day, turning my will over to something more powerful than myself, things work out better than I could have ever imagined!
OMG! I cannot imagine getting married, instantly becoming a father, and shortly thereafter becoming a grandfather! You pretty much crammed all the major milestones into one short block of time! That’s ONE way to do it… why spread it out over three or four decades when you can get it all done this year? ;)
I’m kidding… but you really do have so many amazing stories. Thank you so much for sharing them openly here!
Jared, what a great example of putting this into practical action! You’re absolutely right, it works like a charm. When we actually recognize reality, we can realize that problems are only imaginary.
Awesome post, and thanks for the mention. I greatly appreciate it.
-Craig
Hey Craig,
Thanks for stopping by and thanks for your post and inspiring me to share this process.
Great post! Living in the moment, being in the now, is SO important. I really try to work on that through my work on positively present and this post was a great reminder for me of how important — and powerful! — now is.
Hey Positively Present! Nice to see you again! Thanks for stopping by and commenting!
Hi Jared,
First of all, congratulations on the MBA and Happy Belated Birthday! I enjoyed the video. Now I can place a voice along with the posts. Kind of cool.
As for living in the now, that truly is the best way to live. When I was in the midst of a really tough time in my life, I read a book where the author made the statement that at any given second we are not lacking in anyway. So I took a look at my life and realized that at that second, I had everything that I needed. I realized that all my worries were focused on the future which was unknown and dependent on the moment. That realization had a profound effect and now I just take things one moment at a time.
So often people either live in the past or in the future, they rarely live in the present. I am happy that you discovered the joys of living in the moment. May more and more people discover that truth.
Have a wonderful holiday weekend! :)
Nadia,
That is so true. I too believe that when I truly look at each moment, my needs are always being met. I heard a saying once that went something like, “we crucify ourselves between two thieves, the regret of yesterday and the fear of tomorrow.” It really does take practice getting back into each moment. I haven’t read any of Eckhart Tolle’s work but have heard great things about The Power of Now and have his work on my list of readings (among so many other things) ;-)
Thanks so much for your comments.
Hey Jared! What a great post. I am right there with. The importance of living in THIS moment can not be over-estimated! It is essential to a life filled with joy.
I also really enjoyed your video, feel like I know you better already.
Keep the great stuff coming. Cheers!
-Dena
Evolution
Dena,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I stopped by Evolution and read your story as well, very inspiring! Keep it up!
thank you for this. i have been noticing lately that this is very true. right now, it is ok. i just got out of a very long relationship, & so my sense of the future has just been turned upside down. i no longer know what i am going to do, because i no longer have this constant. when i think about it, it’s very confusing, scary, & sometimes sad (though, other times, liberating & free). but in the moment, it’s all ok. it’s fine. the grass is beautiful. the sky. the sound of a car.
Steve,
I like the mention of the grass, the sky, and even the sound of the car. Paying particular attention to our senses is a great way of getting back into the moment; where everything is always OK.
Thanks for the comments.
This is really a brilliant post. I learned this lesson back in 1995 when I went into private practice as a therapist. I had a handful of clients and worried about not having enough. My friend said, “Tess you have enough today in this moment because your basic needs are met. Anything else is a bonus. I never forgot that.
I also get the “I should be doing more” thinng. Sometimes I still have guilt over not doing enough or not worrying and making the situation worse than it is in my head. How twisted is that? So I continue put myself in the present, breathe and remind myself that all is well.
I like the video and the idea of you sharing what you learn on the piano. I like the placement of the video and have been wanting to do videos but I’m chicken! Did your wife take the video or how did you mount your flip?
Tess,
I too get the feeling sometimes that I should be doing more. I recently finished graduate school so I feel like I should always be doing something. I’ve learned to give myself permission to relax!
I thought maybe the video would be distracting there in the middle, but I guess maybe it breaks things up a bit. I actually mounted the Flip video camera on a tripod. Then pushed record, walked around and recorded. The camera came with some software that has a simple trim feature to trim off the front and end of the video plus add basic title and credits. I used to do a lot of video editing so it’s not a big deal for me but even that was a little bit of a pain. I like Viddler because I think it will let you record straight from their web interface using the webcam. I may try that next and see if that’s easier. Although the quality I’m sure won’t be as good. I think doing video does make it more personal and just let it be what it is, no need to be perfect!
Insightful post! It was really helpful as I definitely experienced a point of lowness where this whole “spiritual power of now” changed the way I looked at the world for the better.
Nazim,
Thanks for stopping by and commenting. It truly is appreciated.
I stumbled on your blog the other day and came back for me. You write with such honesty and it’s truly appreciated. Your focus of staying in the moment is perfect, everything there is usually always okay.
I did like the video, it adds to the personal touch here. And the Flip Video camera rocks, doesn’t it?!!
Cheers,
Miche :)
Miche,
Thanks for stopping by! “Serenity Hacker,” I like that!
Your wife, Amy Ost, was the first person I met when I moved to Kansas City as a child in 1967. We became good friends for several years. While we took separate paths in life, I have no doubt there have been MANY similarities. Amy recently found me on FB and suggested I take a look at your blog after telling me she found the most excellent man on the planet! After reading this blog, it gives me tremendous happiness for her that she has found someone who is well-grounded, spiritually fit, and who outrightly expresses his genuine love for her.
My best to you both and your new grandbaby!
Alison,
Thank you so much for stopping by to say hi and the generous comments! Emily (Amy) was telling me what great friends you were growing up. She also said you frustrated her because you wouldn’t play Barbies with her. ha! Although she did say what a great time she had jumping on your trampoline. Hope all is well with you.