I like routines.
Years ago I was living in a house with six other guys. The house was run by a non-profit organization and served as a transition for guys early in sobriety trying to get back on their feet. Literally. Each house member was assigned chores; one of which was cleaning the living room. As an early riser, I was usually the first one up and to make coffee. While the coffee was brewing, I would prepare my lunch for the day, then enjoy a cup of joe in the living room while reading my morning meditation books. Leaving my coffee on the coffee table, it was off to the shower with the intention of returning to finish my coffee before leaving for work.
“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.”
-Aldous Huxley
Remember now I’m living with six guys, one of which would normally be up by now as well. His chore happened to be cleaning the living room and since he didn’t usually return home till later at night, he would always do it first thing in the morning and inevitably while I was in the shower getting ready for work. As a result, he would always pour out my coffee and put the cup in the dishwasher. This frustrated the heck out of me. I would tell him to leave my coffee cup alone, but he continued this selfish behavior every morning. I couldn’t understand what was so freakin’ hard for him to understand. Leave it alone!!
Finally I mentioned something about it to a friend. His response, “why don’t you just take the cup of coffee with you?”
Crap.
I learned a simple lesson. Many times, a simple change in my own behavior is all that is needed to increase my happiness and serenity. By just changing a single action—my own—I can avoid frustration and stop making unreasonable demands on others.
What small changes have you made that have increased your serenity?
photo credit: . SantiMB . (uninspired)
Well I’m back from vacation. Curacao was incredible and the diving was great. If you’re ever on Curacao and like to dive, I highly recommend Suzy and Mark of The Dive Bus. I’m still working on the happiness article/series I mentioned before we left for vacation. So stay tuned for that!
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Ha! I love that story. As I was reading it, I was thinking… why doesn’t he just NOT leave the cup of coffee there? (Sounding much like a wife, I’m sure.) And then you got right to that answer! :)
Welcome back from your vacation, and good luck on your re-entry into “real life”.
;)
That’s a great story and it really illustrates a wonderful point: we are only in charge of ourselves. No matter how much we might want someone to change, we can only focus on ourselves because you can’t make someone change (especially if s/he doesn’t want to!).
Welcome back, Jared. Sounds like your vacation was filled with some great memories!
Change ourselves…how preposterous!
This is a great example of how one small change on OUR part can lead to resolving a problem. And a problem we sometimes think isn’t ours at all…really is. Great thing to remember for everyone the next time any of us are out to change something…that we should start with ourselves first.
@Lisis – Thanks for the comment. I know, sounds simple doesn’t it? Just take the cup of coffee with me. But it was the whole “principle” of the thing! ha!
@Positively Present – Reminds me of a saying I heard once, “there’s two things I don’t like, the way things are and change.” That sort of place really keeps us stuck! Thanks!
@Lance – You make a great point, about thinking a problem isn’t ours at all! When you accept the idea that real change starts with ourselves, all problems become ours and gives us true power to deal with them. This makes me think about how valuable a change in perspective is, yet how (at least for me) that doesn’t normally come over night, but through years of experience and a continual quest to grow spiritually. Thanks!
The last paragraph sums up life that’s for sure! If couples could get this one point the divorce rate wouldn’t exist.
I like your blog!
@Tess,
Amen to that. “I’d rather be happy than right.” It’s difficult at times, but once you learn a little ego deflation it really increases serenity.
Thanks!
Hi There!!
As I was reading I was saying out loud “why doesn’t he take the coffee with him?” I’m glad your friend was able to help you in that way. Funny thing is my daughter (age 14) is the one who seems to always help me realign my way of thinking.
Nice Blog
@Tabitha,
Thank you for your kind words. I love your 10 Commandments and your blog. I was trying to note which one was my favorite… but I like them all. But if I had to chose one, it would be, “Act With The Sincerest Love & Compassion.” Reminded me of something a friend of mine passed onto me the other day, each morning he rises and says, “today I will only give and receive love.”
As I’m sitting here writing this I’m listening to The Climb from your afiveoh4uplifting site. Wow. It truly is about the climb isn’t it? Not about how fast I get there, but that I keep climbing. It truly is the journey. That’s something I learned when working the 12 steps of AA. How each step is a journey and learning process of which I’ve learned so much. Faith, compassion for myself, through which has come compassion for others. It’s hard to believe several years ago I was close to giving up. Thanks for reminding me of how truly grateful I am this second for getting back up and climbing.
God bless you. Today I am grateful for you ;-)