My wife said something a few weeks ago that put love in a new perspective for me. Her mother was killed when she was 20 years old; she said, “After my mother died, nothing in life was ever as good as it could be. Don’t get me wrong, things are good and even great, but when something great happens to you, the first person you want to share it with is your mother.”
That is what my relationship with my wife Emily is like. It’s about sharing the little things that makes life so grand.
A few months before I proposed to my wife, I considered moving on. In the past, when things got too real or too-good-to-be-true, I bolted. The thought of anyone knowing the real me was scary, I mean I didn’t even know the real me. That was in the past. For the previous two years, I had been working on myself through a spiritually based recovery program. I was also seeing a therapist to deal with this specific relationship—trying to determine what I wanted for myself in the future. Through the process, I had come to know and accept myself, the good and the bad, but more importantly, I realized Emily did also.
While projecting into the future and seeing all the things I wanted to accomplish, I saw two versions. One with me on top of the world—getting a song published, writing a book, helping others in recovery. However, I was alone. The other version, simply had Emily in it. I realized that even if I accomplished one of those things, without someone to share them with, they meant nothing. But it wasn’t just “someone” anymore, it was Emily.
When something great—or not so great—happens in my life, Emily is the first person I want to share it with. Sharing life’s great adventures and gifts with her makes them as great as they can be. Love is much better when you experience the true power of love & relationships. Moreover, times of sadness and pain are not as sad as they would have been.
That’s just one thing love is to me, what’s it to you?
photo credit: HAMED MASOUMI
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
This is so nice, Jared! Thanks for sharing. I’m glad I now have someone that I can share the littlest things with, and he appreciates it all. I catch myself all the time thinking, “I can’t wait until I can tell Steve about this!” :)
@Allyson,
Thanks. Knowing someone is you’re biggest fan (the one you love) is a great feeling!
Oh, that’s such a sweet post! I hope you shared it with Emily. I’m sure she loved reading how you feel about her. Love is such a huge, baffling topic that I don’t really even know where to begin when it comes to answering the question you asked, but I’ll bring up a small (and similar) point. Yesterday I was feeling really, really sick and, while my first instinct was to want my mother, my second was to want the person I love. To me, wanting someone to be around you when you’re sick, knowing that they will care for you and make you feel just a bit better by their prescence alone, is a sure sign of love.
@Positively Present,
Actually, yes I did share it with her (and asked her permission to use something she said since it was fairly personal). Agreed, having someone there when we’re not feeling good, whether it’s physical or emotional is nice. Chicken Soup for the Soul as the book title goes… Speaking of which, I’ve never read that book but the review I just read sounds pretty good. Hmmm, better add that one to my (when I’m done with school) list!
What a sweet, poignant (Emily’s experience), and true post. Thanks for such good words to help us keep our priorities/perspectives in proper check too.
Hi, Jared. I just found your site today and I’m liking it so far. Yay for new surprises! Your post reminded me of something I’ve heard several times over the recent months, that happiness isn’t fullest until it’s shared. I find this to be consistently true in my life, and it sounds like you would agree. As for what love is, well … I can’t put it into words. I “knew” on our second date I was going to marry my current fiance. And every day I love him more, as if that’s possible(!) … because every day I think, “How could I love him more? My heart’s already bursting!” But it happens. The way he shows me love has something to do with this … and maybe it’s the same for other couples too. For me, what this means is that I have always been the strong, independent woman, looking out for myself and my future. But do you know I find the greatest comfort and security from knowing that he’s got my back. I feel taken care of, looked after, like I don’t have to be switched on 24/7 to my needs and wants. This is a marvelous feeling.
@Chania Girl,
I understand the growing love. As I learn more about my wife, as we grow together and experience new things, so does our Love for each other.
Like when we traveled for the first time together (you learn a lot about someone the first time you take a long vacation together). It was to St. Croix U.S.V.I for our first “SCUBA” diving in the ocean trip. I tried to save some extra $ by using a local “small” rental car company. We ended up waiting for 2 hours at this little hole-in-the-wall place for our rental car. First they said they gave our Jeep to someone else… blah blah… all these people were coming in and out upset with their experience, yelling at the ONLY guy who was working there that day. We felt so sorry for him because he was doing the best he could. We just waiting our turn and allowed him to take care of these other people who were obviously “a lot” more upset then we were. Anyway, we both played it cool and just let the experience teach us something about each other. Sorry, long story but it was a great learning experience… that we’re both laid back and let God teach us something about people in that situation. We didn’t want to add to the negative in that situation and felt empathy for the guy working there who was doing the best he could. And after all, we were on vacation!!! So nothing really mattered that much. ;-)
It’s beautiful, Jared. And I completely understand where Emily is coming from. I was 25 when my mom died, and hadn’t met my husband then. So marriage, parenthood, the big things happened WITHOUT her… something I never would’ve imagined.
I’m glad that she has you and that the two of you are so open and willing to share the little things with each other. It is the little things that make all the difference.
There’s a song that always reminds me of Jeff (my husband), “Midnight Train To Georgia” because she says, “I’d rather live in his world than live without him in mine.” Sounds a bit like the end of your post, huh?
;)
Lisis,
Thanks for sharing this part of your past with me. Sorry I just now got around to responding.
Beautiful words! My brother lost his wife to cancer 2 years ago. He has a daughter (5 yrs old) and a son (9 yrs old). I worry about them growing up without a mother to share life’s ups and downs. I pray that I will be somebody they can come as they grow up. That’s another reason why being recovered is so important to me. I want to be somebody they can count on no matter what. I’m so happy that you share such an amazing love with Emily.
The Web Prophet,
Thanks for your comments. Being accountable is a good thing. I found that being accountable to myself and my conscience was the first step. As well as learning to love myself for who I am, then was I able to truly love others. It’s been an amazing journey.