I am free

I am free. Standing on the tip of a rock overlooking the pacific ocean on the beautiful island of Kauai, I am free. A few days prior I married my best friend, Emily, I am free.

I’ve been to this island before, I’ve been married here before, but I was a prisoner then. A prisoner to living a life on self will. I don’t remember much then, only that I was terrified inside of what my life had become and where it was going. I was chained to the thought that I could find happiness in my life if only I could manage it better.

The life I had then is gone, the person I was then is gone, it died the day I turned my will and my life over to my Higher Power, God.

This time, I see God’s presence every where. The day before our wedding, Emily and I went on a shore dive off Koloa landing and saw two octopus mating. How cool is that! It’s rare to see octopus, not to mention to see them mating! On our boat dive, we saw lots of critters (too many to mention) but the highlight was the endanged Hawaiian Monk Seal.

I had proposed to Emily on November 1st and we were kicking around plans for a wedding but nothing major. We talked about waiting until next year but an island wedding also sounded romantic. Yes, Emily knew I had been married on Kauai once before and we decided to do a little foot-work and see if it worked out. And we prayed about it. We sent out a few emails and made a few calls once on the island. We arrived on Kauai on Saturday 11/29, traveled to Kalaheo on Sunday to get our marriage license from a lady named Sandra, who let us pick fresh tangerines from her tree. And on Tuesday (12/02) we were wed by Caroline Miura with Sacred Ceremonies. We found Caroline online and she was perfect!! Having read about us a little here on my blog, she incorporated some recovery based prayer which was right on. I carried a copy of the St. Francis prayer in my shirt pocket next to my heart. It couldn’t have been better and more romantic.

Emily and I met a lot of people while on Kauai, and everyone reminded us that we were exactly where we were suppose to be. It seemed as if everywhere we went God was winking at us.

It’s amazing how life has turned out better then I could have ever dreamed of. God is doing for me what I could not do for myself. I am free.

Prayer of St. Francis:
“Lord, make me a channel of thy peace – that where there is hatred, I may bring love – that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness – that where there is discord, I may bring harmony – that where there is error, I may bring truth – that where there is doubt, I may bring faith – that where there is despair, I may bring hope – that where there are shadows, I may bring light – that where there is sadness, I may bring joy. Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted – to understand, than to be understood – to love, than to be loved. For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life. Amen.”